Filling the Void
Nothing going Nowhere
Arising & Passing
Filling the Void
Nothing going Nowhere
Arising & Passing
This ‘Enlightenment’ business presents as a set of false choices.
This is not a matter of ‘doing’, as any doing only amounts to seeing what is done. Not a matter of ‘not doing’, as this takes care of itself.
The way is neither grasped by ‘doing’, nor is delusion rejected by ‘not doing’. This is the way of ‘non-doing’ (wu wei, non-duality, self-realization, call it what you will – just answer the call). This is simply seeing the game for what (and why) it is (as it is), realizing the game plays itself through/as us doing this and not doing that.
‘Doing’ and ‘not doing’ real-ized as dual expressions of pure potential – equally potent. Omnipotent. The same. ‘Not two’ – though naturally appearing as two as that is the nature of appearances. There is no greater power, and no ‘Way’ that is not this, no way to be separate from this, nothing that is not this pure creative potential – AKA ‘Love’.
Duality is a dance of partners, their movement creating the illusion of space. The accompanying music needs pauses to have any sensible melody or rhythm, adding the illusion of time (giving us the reciprocal relation known as ‘space-time’). Unity (realization), experienced as unconditional love (compassion), means loving this as it expresses in apparent/conditional duality (equanimity).
So do what you are moved to do. What other choice do you have? How is this even choice at all, except in a story told by an imagined narrator? This is already this. What matters to you, is how you recognize (re-cognize) this as love. Conscious ‘bliss’. What doesn’t matter to you, is unrecognized. Unaware/ignorant ‘bliss’. This = Bliss = Love = God (expressing/experiencing as You/Not You). This/Bliss is not limited to happiness or any other perceivable state. It is infinite peace (unlimited by your present state of mind).
If there is ‘spiritual’ trick, it is to do what you do without intention to achieve or expectation to attain. Simply do, or do not, as arises. Rest assured, the rest will be at rest. Some call this faith, some feel this as devotion, some realize this as obvious – and obviously choiceless. The rest tell themselves amazing stories, writing lyrics to go with the music that goes with the dance… Love isn’t blind, but lovers often are for a time.
When you’re looking, you may or may not see. When you’re not looking, seeing takes care of itself. Seeing, is simply seeing. See?
Heading up to SF Bay area tomorrow, thanks to an amazing friend. I don’t know what awaits. I know it can be expensive to live thereabouts, but I will have a place for few days to check it out, see if I can find a reasonable room to rent, etc. For now it’s only costing a cheap bus ticket for a chance to meet someone I’ve only know online and by phone, and to start another leg of the adventure…
Past few months posts have been during some very interesting/trying times. Sporadic and emotional. Some uncharacteristic but necessary editing too. I’d like to post a bit more thoughtful content – sharing/serving via a bit more substance – once I get myself a little more squared away as far as basic living goes. If nothing else, I’ll have some travel stories (though no one really needs to hear about long distance bus travel – unless I can do it justice with a surreal/nightmarish poem!).
[As I will no longer be 'Lost in LA' - I have removed that post. Still reaching out for advice/assistance in my wanderings though, as this is just the beginning...]
Unable to Resist
Cruel little god-men,
what mercies you withhold.
Rage forging your cage,
locked against all that rattles.
Secure in your knowing,
impotent in your ignorance.
Kind words belying,
cold smiles bedeviling.
Without good deeds,
none may be punished.
No one can touch you,
or so you imagine.
we are called.
Ceasing to use the blunt end,
the sharp end is freed.
Working without effort,
moving with great care.
We all have superpowers, or special abilities. Most of us are just smart enough or lucky enough to be able to ignore or suppress them. I say that, because they come at a very high price.
I have three such powers I am aware of. One has revealed its true nature as a great curse disguised as a gift. It is the power of invisibility.
Much of my life I have used this ability not to hide (OK – sometimes), but to give the appearance of fitting in. You see, this power has levels. The sort of default level (at least as I had developed it through childhood and adolescence) being a soft transparency that engenders trust, combined with a bright reflectivity that lets people see what they want to.
The upsides should be obvious. It offers a sort of camouflage, but not that of hunter or prey (not for me anyway – but I’m sure some can really abuse this) – but rather that of tribe or family. This of course acting to compensate for what I lacked. Real human connection.
Think of it as an energetic/auric version of team jersey or uniform that make people think I am like them, and like them. Turns me into that guy that is always mellow, funny, and seems to ‘get you’. Someone who presents no threat, and is only there to help or entertain them. All the while these people – my friends and family – my associates and acquaintances – take liberties, assuming they know I’ll be cool with whatever- because as a reflection I’m always cool with everything.
That’s where things start going to hell. You see, it takes energy to maintain control of this sort of morphogenic auric field. At times it naturally fluctuates. When this happens I can also reflect what others don’t like about themselves, what they don’t respect about themselves, and they tend to see that as being in me. They start losing respect for me (the illusion fades). I can become a reminder of things they’d rather not see. At the extreme I can appear toxic, though more often just seeming nebulous and insubstantial – indecisive and lazy. A lost cause, barely a memory…
When I can’t show them what they want to see, people no longer see me at all.
The weaker I am, the stronger my invisibility gets. Such is the nature of superpowers. If you are not strong enough, you can’t keep them in check. I can’t control it, can’t turn it off. Even if I could, people wouldn’t see me. It would just force them to put their blinders back on.
Right now, I am weak. I am in crisis. I am invisible.
Can you see me?
Awake, I dream
Asleep, I wander
In health , I sicken
In sickness, I am whole
Eating, I grow hungry
Hungry, I am fulfilled
In hate, I find company
In love, I feel alone
Morning pours in the window,
Assaulting the senses.
Get up! Get out! Get busy!
Do something! Be somebody!
I am too weary to argue.
What is the point?
I have nowhere to go,
Nothing to do,
I am nobody.
I’ve nothing to offer the day,
Nothing but emptiness
I carry through sleepless nights.
Waiting for the dawn,
Only mourning comes.
(Note: These words came in response to this: 3:16 A.M. | The Book of Tina)
Efforts to “drop the ego”, like those used to pick up/buy into such conceptual self-identification, is in itself the operation of what is being called ‘ego’. Seeing the nature of this is enough – but few will see this as there is no payoff for the identifiable ‘self’.
For those who do ‘see’ the nature of this, by exhaustion or by grace, attachment/identification is revealed/recognized/realized as obviously false and such delusion simply becomes unsustainable. Nothing need be done or not done about this ‘ego’ business. The so called ‘ego’ is perpetually rebuilt of thinking otherwise. Efforts to deal with ‘ego’ are but ‘ego’ reformations. ‘Ego’ is an invention, in a state of continual re-invention.
The ‘work’ comes after this realization, when you must concede the false self has its place in this – and is not ‘other’ or ‘separate’ from this. Only realization and death are effortless. This is no coincidence.