We all have superpowers, or special abilities. Most of us are just smart enough or lucky enough to be able to ignore or suppress them. I say that, because they come at a very high price.
I have three such powers I am aware of. One has revealed its true nature as a great curse disguised as a gift. It is the power of invisibility.
Much of my life I have used this ability not to hide (OK – sometimes), but to give the appearance of fitting in. You see, this power has levels. The sort of default level (at least as I had developed it through childhood and adolescence) being a soft transparency that engenders trust, combined with a bright reflectivity that lets people see what they want to.
The upsides should be obvious. It offers a sort of camouflage, but not that of hunter or prey (not for me anyway – but I’m sure some can really abuse this) – but rather that of tribe or family. This of course acting to compensate for what I lacked. Real human connection.
Think of it as an energetic/auric version of team jersey or uniform that make people think I am like them, and like them. Turns me into that guy that is always mellow, funny, and seems to ‘get you’. Someone who presents no threat, and is only there to help or entertain them. All the while these people – my friends and family – my associates and acquaintances – take liberties, assuming they know I’ll be cool with whatever- because as a reflection I’m always cool with everything.
That’s where things start going to hell. You see, it takes energy to maintain control of this sort of morphogenic auric field. At times it naturally fluctuates. When this happens I can also reflect what others don’t like about themselves, what they don’t respect about themselves, and they tend to see that as being in me. They start losing respect for me (the illusion fades). I can become a reminder of things they’d rather not see. At the extreme I can appear toxic, though more often just seeming nebulous and insubstantial – indecisive and lazy. A lost cause, barely a memory…
When I can’t show them what they want to see, people no longer see me at all.
The weaker I am, the stronger my invisibility gets. Such is the nature of superpowers. If you are not strong enough, you can’t keep them in check. I can’t control it, can’t turn it off. Even if I could, people wouldn’t see me. It would just force them to put their blinders back on.
Right now, I am weak. I am in crisis. I am invisible.
Can you see me?